Let Joy Drive Your Secondary School Search

If I could give my former self any advice for navigating the secondary school search, it would be to put the character Joy from Pixar’s Inside Out movies in the driver’s seat. I would tell our family to focus on what we love about every school and move schools up on our list rather than trying to rule schools out. 

Leading with Joy makes mathematical sense. A search on the AISNE website yields 40 schools within a 10 mile radius of Park’s zip code alone. Choosing 5-7 schools you’re excited to apply to is more efficient than finding over 30 to cross off. 

When you lead the search with what makes you excited about each school, there will be schools that stand out. You won’t need to identify reasons your child wouldn’t fit at the dozens of other schools. Even the broad, sweeping strokes in the beginning can be framed this way; for example, moving either day or boarding schools to the top of your list rather than eliminating the opposite.

There’s a sandwich shop near our house with a famous sign that reads “Quality, Service and Price - Pick Two”.  There are many reasons to get excited about different schools, and no school is going to be a perfect fit in every category. Your local public school likely earns top points in categories like location, tuition, application process, sense of community, and likelihood of acceptance. Another school may be so strong in an activity or subject your child’s passionate about that you’re willing to opt into a school uniform or figure out the commute. Schools will move up your list naturally if you look for things you love about each of them.

Leading with Joy can take effort. Hanging over the whole process is uncertainty and vulnerability that threaten to put Fear or Anxiety in the driver’s seat. Which of these schools is going to accept my child, and what happens if we love a school that doesn’t? (Spoiler alert: make sure you also love a school that does.)  Following the expert advice of Park’s Secondary School Counselors will help ensure that your final list includes schools with a strong likelihood of a good match. 

I’m sure no one thinks letting Disgust sit in the driver’s seat is a great idea, but have some compassion for your overwhelmed brain if it rears its ugly head. Disgust does not want to write 40 sets of application essays. Disgust would be happy to help you narrow down your application list based on anything from the school mascot to the parking situation during open house. If you find yourself dealing with intrusive judgemental thoughts, take a break! I once found myself judging the view out of a specific window on a tour, clearly searching for a reason to fill out one fewer application. This is not the way. The only helpful use of disgust I found was paying attention if your child loves a school so much that you find yourself minimizing the negatives. That’s a sign you love the school!

I wouldn’t suggest that anyone ignore yellow or red flags that a school likely isn’t a good fit; it’s worth noting anything that legitimately makes you hesitate. I once toured a house where the kitchen was carpeted and located in the subterranean basement. If that home had been half its price or contained a wardrobe leading to Narnia it might have still topped our list. But we love to cook and we had enough housing options to feel confident ruling it out. (I like to imagine that home occupied by roommates who love being able to grind coffee and have friends over at all hours without the noise bothering anyone.)

In the spring schools will have to pass one final qualifier to move themselves to the top of your list. Is this school excited about my child, and do they have enough space and financial aid for them to enroll? 

If you’ve approached the process with Joy in the driver’s seat, any school that says “yes” will move to the top of your list. You and your child will be primed to remember all the reasons you applied in the first place, and you can congratulate families who choose different schools with genuine enthusiasm. Without Fear or Anxiety discussing acceptance rates or hypothetical  financial aid packages in the back of your mind, you may even find that Joy’s voice becomes louder and easier to hear as your family makes a final choice.

May you end up at a school that makes your child’s heart sing!

By Kelly Caiazzo

Kelly has a current eighth grader and a current seventh grader. Navigating the secondary school search process two years in a row would be even more daunting without the expert advice of Park’s incredible Secondary School Counseling team. Thank you Lisa DiAdamo, Liz McColloch and Matt Kessler for breaking down each step with timely and manageable action items, and for helping families move schools up on their list, put Anxiety in the back seat, and find their “yes.”

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